This is a giving season in many of our traditions, a time of bestowing gifts, a time of sharing. These holiday days (or holy days) are often a time of demonstrating our love for one another and for our community. We do this as we celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah or Kwanza.
Most spiritual traditions express Love as the ultimate ethic. In the Himalayan tradition the first great vow of yoga is Ahimsa, or do no harm. Ultimately, this is universal love. The Christian tradition espouses the Golden Rule. The labels are different but the directive is the same. Our first way to be human is to love one another, to uphold and help each other, and to love ourselves.
Another aspect of this season, however, could be forgiveness. Forgiveness is an essential aspect, not only of loving the other but of self-love, self-compassion.
To forgive does not ask us to excuse the conduct of oneself or another. It doesn’t mean we have to befriend someone who has hurt us .True forgiveness means loosening a bond, releasing ourselves from a wrong that has been done. When we refuse to forgive we hold ourselves in a state of bondage, of victimhood. We remain tethered to the perpetrator and the deed.
But as we forgive, we release ourselves from a painful agenda that burdens us. We do not condone, we may not forget, but we do let go. This letting go creates a space, makes room for peace. When we are not hampered by resentment we are freer, happier, less constricted. To forgive is an important act of self-love. This is how we heal, how we become whole.
One very special teacher gave me the advice of looking at life as a landscape. This was during a painful time when my then husband had become involved with a close friend. I was hurt and angry and full of grief. Bob, my teacher, suggested I might see another perspective. Sometimes, he explained, we travel a path with someone for a while but not forever. Our paths diverge. Regarding life as a landscape helped me to free myself, to forgive and let go of blame. Eventually, I could see that we had simply parted ways. The act of forgiveness is seldom easy but it is the only way we can release ourselves and move on.
Perhaps this is a time to look at a disturbing relationship in which we have been hurt or to look at situation in which we have hurt ourselves. David Whyte, the poet, writes about going “beyond ourselves.” Might this be a time of going beyond our small and fragile egos to look at forgiveness, a time to release a bond of blame and resentment as our gift to ourselves? This could be a gift for this season- or any season.
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